Christmas Eve

This Christmas Eve started out with a few tears.  Not tears of sadness or fear, but tears of joy.  The child we almost lost last year was happy and healthy.  She greeted every one she saw with a quiet little "Hi".  As the day progressed and I should have been doing other things, I was holding her a little more tightly, kissing her face a little more often and finding joy in the coos and cuddles. It came time for Christmas pizza at our house and Kamryn got to eat pizza.  I was not fearful this year nor was I on guard and watching her every move.  Christmas Eve service was my favorite,  this year we had a 60 second moment of silence.   Not a child in that room was quiet.  This brought more joy to my heart than any present, tradition or decoration could bring. That night a year ago and for many more after that her sounds were unheard.   I could hear my own heart beat and knew that hers was beating just as it should.  On that crazy night last year Kamryn's feet were cold, it's what finally lead us to take her to the ER.  When I changed her diaper, this time her feet were warm, pink and perfect, and so is her heart.  I  know that out there somewhere is a family who's baby gave their heart to Kamryn.  My heart hurts for them, they are missing the joys of having a new baby open presents, play in wrapping paper, and suck on a candy cane. Today, I cry because my heart aches for the them.